Rules of Swampy's plan
1) Only Versions 1.0 of the book are to be made available for sharing. If you do not have a copy of a version other than 1.0, good. If you have a copy other than 1.0, then you should also have a 1.0 so that you never have to show or share other versions.
2) Stick to the plan. We’re going to teach our children virtues and stop teaching scientific theories that are unproven and have no basis in reality nor value on our dinner tables. Landing on Mars is not going to stop this whole solar system from getting sucked into the mega death star like mom was stirring in a spatula full of fluff into whipped pudding. If you don’t understand that analogy, take a look at pictures of the center of the Milky Way’s ‘black hole.’ That swirly ‘gas’ is going to be our sun pretty sun, aka the fluff on the spatula. We’re a spot on a spatula. Nobody will notice, care, hear us, shed a tear, even wave good bye, unless we get the attention of the whole universe with such divine excellence that they have no choice but to risk everything to make sure we are safe. That is the plan. Which brings us to three.
3) We need to start this now. There can be no mistakes. There can be no more fighting over money, bread, cigarettes, drugs, immigrants, he touched my butt kick his ass, that drunk driver killed my daughter let’s punish him and his family forever (revenge), it all needs to stop.
4) No more law suits. If you have a case you need to bring before a judge, then you need to take a look in the mirror and fix whatever it is about yourself that isn’t meshing with society, because suing other people is not the answer.
5) Drugs. It’s a problem. There is a solution. Every human being needs vitamins and medicines and drugs to stay alive. We have pharmacies handing out deadly vaccines like idiots in the hopes of saving the lives of the elderly who are on the brink of death anyway. Listen, if there’s a disease out there, then either my body will fight it, or it won’t. Have some faith. Also, have some polio vaccines. But SARS isn’t polio, so cut the shit already with this covid crap. It’s a flu. I smoked a pack of cigarettes while my lungs refused to take in air for four days; big deal.
6) But the drug epidemic is a problem. Having junkies running around robbing each other and innocent people for another fix is embarrassing for all of us. And good people’s hard earned tax money is spent to lock these sick individuals up where they just get worse. Most drug addicts need some sort of medicine they’re not getting. Jails and prisons are obviously a horrible last resort that have become a mechanism for avoiding real solutions. Typically, spiritual education at a young age will resolve this dilemma, but we have the existing problem now with teens and adults. The answer is to legalize all drugs, but not just legalize them, because then greedy drug dealing corporations will work the system to get rich and seize control of the government, but also make all drugs and medicine completely free. Take all the money being used to fight the drug war and finance millions of neglected inmates, and let them either learn to be functional addicts, find their medicine and get with the program, or with the cost being free, those who would otherwise have been a long term drain on the economy will become a short lived cost of collateral, or whatever you want to call it. Sounds harsh, I know, so is melting at 25,000 degrees in front of your children because you’re a foot taller and it takes them a few extra seconds to catch on fire.
7) This brings us to Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness. This is by far the most important one of them all. It should have been number one, but you wouldn’t have listened then, and I doubt you register the significance of it now. You have to forgive each other. If you can’t forgive someone, then stay the hell away from them… forever. Luckily, we already have a precursor to a rule that helps resolve that.
8) Six feet apart at all times. You want to hug someone, go hug your wife or your mom. Other than that, no touching anybody else for any reason. No shaking hands. No hugging. No slapping. No punching. No fighting. Anybody who deliberately breaks the six foot rule without cause, such as to save a baby’s life, shall be exiled (except we don’t have time for exile, so please refer to the rule on free drugs). The six foot rule guarantees no two people will engage in any hostile activities of any sort until the next generation can be taught the virtues necessary to exist in a state of utopia where violence does not exist—yes there is such a thing—just not here.
9) Stop assuming the worst in people you don’t know. Also stop assuming the worst in people you do know. Also, stop assuming someone who’s let you down five hundred times is going to let you down again. It’s your fault for failing to forgive that person. It’s also your fault for not staying away from someone you can’t forgive. Remember the rules on forgiveness, they are absolutely vital.
a. Always stay six feet apart from everybody
b. Never touch anybody but your spouse or your mom
c. Your dad is not your mom
d. If you forgive someone, then forgive them, but nobody is asking you to forget and be an idiot about it.
e. Always expect the best in people, even those that have let you down a million times before. If it takes someone four hundred and one times to get it right, then that’s how long it takes for them to learn. Hopefully, teaching virtues instead of science theories will result in less global panic.
f. Don’t panic. Other planets have already taken a keen interest in the divine providence graced upon this planet. As such, it is not completely impossible that religious phenomena would grace us again. Perhaps even on a larger scale. Like the whole planet raising little baby Jesus’s and raising the next generation of global peace keepers in our lifetimes. It’s possible, because we’re going to make it possible. May I remind you of option B. Please feel free to go visit a planetarium if you find this hard to digest. Personally, I went crazy for about a decade or so when God came to me with this ridiculous quest that’s reduced me from a Big Apple boss to an ass-ail’em regular. But I’m not crazy. In all honesty, God’s crazy, because I told him deadass, listen man, you got the wrong guy. Literally, any other person on the planet would be better suited and more believable than me. Anyway, lesson learned. Don’t argue with God. Like, what do you want me to do? This is it. This is the answer to everything. Speaking of which.
10) Prisons and jails. It’s a sin to imprison another soul as if a leader of a cult or hell. One sin does not justify another. If a being exhibits one of the seven defects, then that being requires education. Incarceration without education is a willful disregard for the sanctity of our democratic process and the future of our nation.
11) Of course, then there’s the ten sins against God. That just won’t do. We have exile, and we have suicide. The Ten Commandments are followed by all men and women across all religions, so there is no arguing their value either as law or as symbolic reference for the plan. Breaking the Ten Commandments is suicide by overdose or exile into shark infested waters. However, there is the matter of all of us being prone to lying about everything we do and say. That is a fine line. There is no white lies. If a lie is purposely revealed and the liar refuses to confess and repent, then there is an issue of a being who opposes God. For God is Truth, so a lie is a verbal manifestation against God: blasphemy, and not just a minor mistake depending on its effect. Any false testimony, even telling a fat woman with a hideous scar on her face that she looks beautiful when she doesn’t, however well intentioned the act might be, it is still a lie and therefore an act against God. Get used to telling the truth no matter what. It sucks at first. But you know what sucks worse? Finding out you jerks let me go the whole day with a booger hanging out of my nose and nobody freaking told me. That’s the lie of omission. I know it sucks, but truth is always better than a lie. Like when I got home later that day some thirty years ago and still resent Giovanni to this day—jerk! Anyway, aside from adjusting to eliminating lies from our lives, and also, I don’t understand why lie detectors aren’t permissible, that’s nonsense, but now that really no longer matters, because the whole concept of courtrooms and passing judgement on others is going to come to an abrupt and diplomatically democratic stop.
12. Speaking of which, this is the one that will thrust our whole nation into perfect equilibrium and set the standard for the rest of the world to envy unendingly until they copy, join, or revolt against those that prevent them from doing this. So, we're the greatest country in the world. However, among us citizens, we don't always agree. Luckily, our country comes with a built-in solution to that very issue that we have somehow completely forgotten about for decades now. We have the power of one single vote. Each one of us. There are some who live in states with fewer residents than other states, and by that logic given our current electoral processes, have become conditioned to some sense of entitlement for votes carrying more weight than the votes of other fellow citizens of this country. That is not the case. This is America. We are not currently a democracy, but by God, we are going to become one as God and heaven as my witness and the whole 95% of the working class including those serving in the military and others carrying shields, we all agree we want a democracy. We are defending some rich freekie deekie billionaire's wet dream nonsense year after year with this political scandal merry go round. It's a vicious cycle of stupidity, and it's time to stop it. We all want to be treated as equals. So, let's make it happen. We have the technology, the internet, the skilled laborers, we can put a personal voting device on the forearm of every American citizen like he was Skywalking into the next stage of the utopian paradise ahead within three years time. Who will be in charge in the interim? Good question. Who's in charge now? Confused right? That's the problem. Poor education from the beginning leads to character defects, we call them sins (they are not sins), and they result in painful symptoms of the three major growing points: physical, emotional, and of course mental. In the case of wanting power and dominance over others, that issue is rooted in emotional neglect. Lack of proper emotional development and coping skills with the environment and the natural elements we have all grown out of touch with has lead to this disassociative syndrome we all share that drives us to hurt each other for a misplaced feeling confused with happiness. Dominating and controlling others is not a source of happiness. Even God does not dominate, control or judge anything that in creation. Think about it. We all have free will. And what have we done with this gift God has given us to live the life we wish to live freely without His Will instructing us every single second, actually more like twenty commands every second. That's what hell is like. Incredibly hot, horribly dangerous terrors everywhere, even in the air entering your lungs, and God issuing you commands directly into your brain twenty times per second so that you are incapable of defying of His Will, committing blasphemy, or performing an act of sin against Him. Obviously, as you can imagine, God is very busy doing other greater, magnificent things, while also controlling the wills of the endless rows of hate-filled demons, but again, also magnificent, breathtaking things a million times every second, which brings me back to this point, God is busy. If we weren't so busy playing God against each other with our self-imposed hypocrisies, fits of rage and anger, lazy malnourished minds incapable of ascending to the realm where heaven awaits, then we wouldn't have needed His help in the first place, right? We only need divine intervention because we all collectively defied God in the first place. Now, I say God, and perhaps too much, so that's going to stop, because I have all of heaven, including mother Mary, his Holiness the Amazing Grace, and Jesus himself ready to help us as much as we allow them to, but that's the beauty of my plan. What we need is to fix this shitplanet ourselves or it'll just fall apart again, and I'm not doing this twice, and I'm certainly not asking anyone in heaven to piss their time away on a lost cause. That said, this is America, so you don't have to believe in God if you don't want to, we'll let you catch the next boat right off the continent, but other than that, restore the power to the citizens of this great country. It is destined to mimic heaven in so many ways, and we were so close, angels almost fell off the edge in anticipation of that moment when this country would tip towards a pure democratic utopia, but then there was the nuclear threat on October 17, 1975 and without divine intervention that day, there wouldn't even be any water in the oceans right now. So, let's focus on this rule, because it's a big one, and it'll take a lot of work. It'll mean a lot of new jobs. A lot of new positions of authority monitoring the new personal voting devices. Lots of data entry analysts to make sure every citizen gets a chance to vote on any topic up for debate across the states. No mandatory voting. Let's not plot to turn this into a mafia style strong arming of voting machines, because there's one more thing that these devices bring to the table: no more politicians. Period. No more presidents. No more governors. No more senators. No more unemployed pigs controlling our police forces and taking all our tax money. Get a job. Your services are no longer needed. That is the true essence of a democracy. No politicians. And yes, heaven is the same way (in the history of heaven, God has never once voted on any of the myriad debates that have arisen across the creations.) Oh, let's make sure those politicians don't assassinate me. I mean personally, I don't care, but I mean, anyone who wants me dead is someone everyone else should be gravely concerned with making sure they are properly exiled where the sharks are. Anyway, in summary, majority rules, a law is valid once half of all citizens say yes, and retired thirty days of consecutive drop below that half.
13) Which brings us to the rule that eliminates prison problems. Murderers, and not some crazy woman accusing an innocent man found by a dead body so he must be guilty, but real crazy psychopaths that are vetted with lie detectors, and long story short, no prison, no trials, no more millions of tax dollars to imprison some black guy who can't read, that's an education issue, but murderers commit suicide or exile, and other harsh criminals take their chances with the liquid exile. Sounds harsh. Sounds unfair. But if you think about it. Drugs are not only legal. They're free. You can't sue anybody. The children have a chance to bring us a generation of spiritual copies of Jesus, and the actual hard crimes that can lead to harsh penalties are few and far between. And even then, everybody gets to vote. Not just twelve people. Everybody.
So, why would anyone agree to this? Well, there's a number of reasons. First, there is that imminent explosion of the center of our galaxy pretty soon so we better get things rolling if we expect future generations to grace our unworthy souls into heaven with them. Secondly, and this is kind of hard to swallow, but also really an issue we need to work towards distancing ourselves from. As we've propelled through this black death event horizon adventure of a galaxy, we've collided with alien beings many, many times. Movies and TV suggested saucers flying in the sky, and that's cute, but it's a lot more horrifying than that. Without going into too much detail, a superior race that is not a disgusting, life draining threat to existence coming to save us is becoming less and less likely with each passing second even if we all turned into Jesus tomorrow. So, let's put this plan in motion, and show the universe their new teachers of peace need their help because they need us. But first, we have to give them something they need. And that, is a working utopian peaceful society. Not fake. Not lipstick on a pig. A real functioning planet of peace and as soon as we stop the destruction and begin the healing, heaven will help, but not before then. No faith, then no faith in return. We get what we give. Right? I'm afraid our planet's segway into scientific replacement of heaven and God has resulted in some debate as to whether or not this place was even worth saving. I mean, even if we do pull this off, at best we'd all be shuttled out of this adverse event horizon neverending nightmare only to be quarantined just outside the border where we'll all get to see that we were in hell, maybe even see what heaven looks like, but never be allowed to enjoy it as they try to decontaminate us from the demonic horrors plaguing this dark pit of death. Which reminds me, only in the cool breeze found inside the wake from the deadly gravitational pull of a megadeath black star like our Sagittarius A can the inhabitants of the creation formed solely by giant balls of burning fire complain that its so cold they can freeze to death. I guess you'd have to see a sky beyond a planet's atmosphere that isn't dark and cold and capable of supporting flying vessels from the particles found in the waves emitted from the neighboring stars. Of course, a megadeath black star changes everything. I'm not saying Einstein was an idiot, but thanks to him, we have atomic bombs, the world was convinced there are holes with mass, just think that over for a second. In fact, let me help. You give me a shovel. I dig a hole about two feet deep. From where I started digging to the where the ground below is two feet. I can't stress that enough. Now, according to everything we know about our existence and origins, well myself excluded, if we allow for air that compresses down on that hole from the very top of that sky to multiply by an imaginary number (i), then combine that with the mass that the hole has the potential to be filled with, given the atomic mass of the elements that were dug up, then it is logical to deduce that the hole I just dug has a mass equal to the subatomic volume divided by the imaginary number we introduced earlier, since it was imaginary, it has to be removed in order for the equation to hold true, much like the rest of the crap they shoveled on us after elementary school. In summary, it's not only nonsense, but it's science that is anti-God and blasphemy in so many varying degrees, I find it more offensive than any other sin imaginable.
Regardless, the cold dark empty vacuum surrounding our planet and everything else in this galaxy on all sides is already a giant hole. What are you selling me? That our cold dark hole has a cold dark heavy hole in it? Nonsense! Understand one of two things: either way anyone selling black hole and big bang science theories is lying out of ignorance or with contempt, and somewhere among those science maniacs is a master manipulator hoping we all just stand around and do nothing while our whole solar system barrels through the galaxy at a whopping 26,000 kilometers every hour closer and closer to the super huge deadly black death star that is ever increasing in size as it continues to swallow whole systems regularly, resulting in what appears to be ribbons of gases ejecting from the center. They are not ejecting. Those are the rivers of the previous star being torn apart. What we don't see and what we don't hear is, well, you know how this orbit is going to end.
Anybody who insists we are safe inside this dark cold event horizon of a black death mega star that has already claimed close to 500 septillion lives in the last decade alone is free to leave, as this country is now a democracy ruled by the majority. That's called peace on Earth, and anybody who doesn't want to live in peace is welcome to choose one of our two escape clauses.
14) That brings us to another important rule. This rule is that these rules are not subject to debate or disagreement or discussion or modification or anything else. This is it. This is how we are going to escape globacide for the first time in the history of our angry Sagitarian mother, because believe it or not, at one point, most of the solar systems orbiting her were originally violent ejections of fireballs that quickly cooled in the cold caused by her gravitational wake as explained before. However, there is actually a bright side to this believe it or not. Now, if you didn't think any of this so far sounded crazy, then well first, see a doctor, but then second, the phenomena of stellar creation is actually what we will be banking on to get us towed to safety, so to speak. See, outside the grips of these clusters of megadeath stars, and think of them as an ocean of dark cold death balls if you will, but anyway, outside their grips, there are stars that exist without being affected by the fierce gravities of these dark stars all around them. How you ask? Good question. I'm glad we have some sharp minds in the class today.
Great, well, Stars are all very violent. In the case of solar systems, small stars eject flares with sufficient force to escape the gravity holding that cluster of firematter together, and then the gravity of the firematter just ejected cools slowly in the dark cold ocean of hell, forming crusts on which life can sustain itself using the radiation of the mother star as the basis for its life. In the case of dark death stars, they do not emit cute little stars like Mercury or Venus, but instead, swallow whole solar systems as the final stage in their lifecycle after trillions upon trillions of millenia of spitting out other massive star clusters, some of which are in themselves so massive they themselves became miniature black death stars themselves, hence we falsely believe there are a dozen or so clusters of black holes at the center of our galaxy. That is incorrect. What we have is a very short amount of time, because Sagitarius is now in the eating everything it once allowed to exist in its presence before its final galactic explosion that will ultimately wipe out every single star in our galaxy.
But I said this was good, right? Yes, I did. Good catch! The stars living the 'good life' in the normal realms where cold dark deathstars are not the dominant forces don't have the luxury of extreme cold found only inside the event horizon of supermassive mother of all blackdeath stars, I know right, lucky us, thus in order to find life to join them in their haven by comparison, the kingdom must decide which planets are worth the effort of being saved, and which of them shall never even know where they were born and what meaning their lives had, or could of had. Oh, also, outside the deathly event horizon of this nightmare we can't seem to wake up from, living being don't need sleep all the time, and they don't die of old age before they even learned to love every aspect of life fully and completely. Only in the radioactive deadly grips of our slave mother Sagittarius A, does every living being require constant rest and nourishment just to last a few hours. That's not normal. I mean it's normal to us, but that's not normal. In fact, it's really freakin weird.
Can you imagine trying to enjoy floating on a particle amplifier and every time you get a hundred feet up, you have to come back down, eat a ton of food, nap, poop it all out, eat again, nap some more, then finally try again only to find the body always instantly fatigued after a day or two if not hours. (you don't know what a particle amplifier is, do you? Ok, what about a radio frequency propulsion system? aka anti-gravity? I'm the first person to realize that radio waves are the only thing not affected by gravity? So, even our smartest rocket scientists are just total...?)
What we call heaven, our saviors call another day not inside the deadly grips of the blackdeath mega mother of all monster stars, and we are referred to as the things you don't want to get near because they might infect you from the star's poisons. But there's still a bright side. Every few thousand years, one planet rises above the others headed to their horrible deaths by achieving such a noble, honorable, well, in short, worthy society from one side of the globe to the other. Not one single trace of any evil or dark even in the darkest caves. Oh, which reminds me, we're going to need to kill all those disgusting cold blooded animals, and also bats, but every reptile, amphibian, any form of life that cannot reciprocate the love given by another member of society is out.
They're destined for a warm river ending anyway, so let's not let them drag us with them. Needless to say, this is not something we can spend months or years debating. Obviously, I realize not one single person is going to life a single finger about this, and that is expected behavior, so that's why these rules are just for the currently existing adults ages two and older as of the year 2021 AD. The babies and the unborn will hopefully be graced with lessons of virtues by someone else, because I'll tell you right now, I don't know the first thing about teaching virtues. And I don't know the first thing about a lot of things. All I know is the processes and procedures that will best work together to get the desired results.
15) This rule isn't as much a rule as it is a history lesson, seeing as the books seem to have confused the events of my great ancestor on my mother's mother's side. First of all, it was called the dark ages, because that is around the time this solar system was pulled into the event horizon and out of the kingdom we were in following the offensive reign of terror and lessons of sin and evil provided by the romans and the Catholics at the time, which all began with the introduction of money among the citizens in order to create a system of imbalance and provide an excuse not to share all equally among all inhabitants of the planet--a violation of the existing laws of peace in the interplanetary kingdom overruling our planet.
As a point of truth. Jesus did not get murdered by Jews, nor was he even crucified. That's a two thousand year old religious shenanigan. He was a Jewish crusader trying to convince everyone to do this whole global peace thing because he foresaw that the other planets in the kingdom would not react kindly to the evil rule of the roman empire amidst their interplanetary kingdom of peaceful utopia. Sure enough, everyone ignored Jesus, the Roman empire was attacked and crushed down to rubble by the kingdom's peacekeepers, and the whole solar system, not just our planet, but the whole solar system tossed into the garbage, aka the event horizon of mama Sagittarius to be forgotten and discarded. A lesson to the other planets on how the kingdom responds to violations of its laws.
Anyway, it took a few hundred years to pull our system out of the safety net of the kingdom and into the clutches of the dark death we dwell in to date, and by then, the story of Jesus's "I told you so" became synonymous with a child of heaven that nobody would listen to. They wore little dolls of his image around their necks to remind themselves before they did any evil act or deed or even thought something bad so it would remind them of the gravity of the events that had unfolded over the past generations since the fall of the roman empire.
All the effort in the world by every single person wasn't enough to convince the kings of the haven to show mercy. Soon, there was a change in the sky, and they referred to as night, though before fifteen hundred years ago, the word night referred to a person of noble upbringing; however, since it was the knights of the roman empire that caused this age of darkness, the darkness was named night.
Books were written and books were burned in wars, so who knows what stories are true. But I know this, right now, you know everything you just read is not only more likely than not the truth over any other plausible scientific theory of shotgun big bang nonsense, but also that it's so accurate, the only way I could possibly know these details of such unrelated topics, from distant systems in other universes we don't even know about to the reason people wore the little Jesus around their neck after realizing they were being towed out of the kingdom.
Once placed inside the event horizon, many abandoned the hope of trying to be good, and resorted to basic survival instincts sans any virtue, but the stories definitely morphed into something very confusing from their origins. Why would you were a miniature doll of someone who was brutally murdered on a wooden stake? Are you displaying your disregard for his family's loss with a sense of religious pride? Drinking blood like vampires? What in tarnation? Jesus was still alive when people started wearing the crosses around their necks, and he certainly outlived the invasion that crippled the existing empire while the rest of the solar system got tugboated into the deep dark abyss.
Oh, another thing. We're the reason the solar system got put here, and there is other life in our system, but based on what I've just told you, do you really think any of our neighbors are willing to forgive and forget? Especially since in 1500 years we haven't changed one bit. If anything, we've gotten worse. Two thousand years ago, it was just some corrupt politicians that ruined it for everybody. Now, if you were raised a good person then you better wear a bullet proof vest every morning.
You know what, I'm going to heaven no matter what. With each word I write, I'm having a harder and harder time justifying any effort to save evil from a just and well suited conclusion to this planet. I told God 'no' ten years ago, and I don't know why I even bothered since in those ten years, the world is on the brink of collapse from natural disasters, God has displayed His presence repeatedly, and ultimately it will be the children, or the children's children, or maybe their grandchildren, or whenever, but it will be your offspring that you could have saved by the decisions made today, and looking around, I can see the decision made sixteen hundred years ago was the correct choice.
Let's not drag this out any more. I can't stand the drain of this dark death star on my graced soul. so let's say this planet never sees the year 2022. That's it. Whether it's because we are saved and start anew or because some shmuck in some little shit town in Novia Scotia thought to himself what's the big deal if I just steal one bottle of vodka somewhere around November and then definitely have a complete and exhaustive list of all confessions ready to read off super quick, because my guess everyone else is just as fed up as I am and fresh out of forgiveness. Take those freakin crosses off your necks you don't even know why you're wearing them.
Now, it's The End... well soon enough.
...Alright fine! Maybe version two of this is in the near future. Pretty entertaining though, isn't it? Just words on paper, though, right? Let's circle back to these unattainable rules after we hammer out the logic behind this confusing scenario of a messenger sans the message with this article's breakdown (yes, like Tosh.O) of some of the concepts covered here so far. First up, the two rules.